Romantic
Pessimist
Calm
Thoughtful
Hedonist
Distracted
Risk
Pleasant
Humor
Clever
Detailed
Patience
Curious
Cat-Lover
Instinct
Annoyed
Confidence

It’s a Wednesday, he had just returned home from drinks with co-workers, where Buzzed had teamed up with Friendly and Interested to produce quite the dynamic team.  Thoughtfulness was in the background, noting each individual’s different attitudes and demeanors. Intelligence was trying not to make assumptions but was failing miserably as Buzzed laughed and Distraction lingered. There was no doubt he could fit in here, but it would be forced. Patience would be necessary, as Romanticize lingered and longed to meet new people and experiences.

‘It was a nice time’, thought Pleasant-‘perhaps a bit light on inherent value’, chimed in Prudent. Annoyed was also out at the time, after having a conversation with Reminiscing about a past relationship, and all the things he wished he could change.  This would become a common theme. Reminiscing was often doing just that over a woman long-lost, to everyone else’s common detriment. The worst off was Confidence, who often fought angrily with Doubt and and Pessimism, who could be quite overt. Little did they know, that Confidence had recently started teaming up with Intelligence, Cleverness, and even Love to try to fight off these problems. On the ride home down Westheimer, the battle between internal-personalities in his mind played out like a chess match: unpredictable, strewn, yet savvy. Each time Calm would step in and declare a stalemate, or Distracted would be aroused by a text. Once he got inside his apartment and sat down, Cat-Lover emerged as he watched Paco approach, with his fluffy tan and white tail swirling straight into the air at a 90 degree angle. Cat-Lover was roommates with Instinct. There was nothing to be done in terms of differentiation, the two were paired at birth.

These personalities did not have the same amount of power over him. Often, Jealousy would instruct Temperament. He would tell him in how to ruin Romanticize’s dreams, of hanging out with Persistence at the godless shrine known as “Growth”. When that happened, it was often Hedonist who would rear his ugly head, creating a stir so that his minion, Distracted, could attack Calm and Intelligence. Hedonism laid claim to all of the senses when he took over, and none of the other People Inside Him could do anything about it except for pray for the mighty Discipline to take notice. Everyone appreciated what Discipline was known for. He was the bearer of many fruits, picked fresh from the Tree of Self-Care. It was noted that he would often team up with Lover and together they would call forth the Essence of Arousal, Creativity.

And it was only during those times, he could write.

Today I want to talk to you about the Goddamn Sauce, ie the essence of what I am currently lost in.  Insert really confident and clever transition sentence here…yea right, you’re not one of Judge Judy’s TV show’s stenographer’s.

Alas, one of my favorite things to do is to attempt to decipher.  I think often about the powerful tools I have at this moment, that grant me virtually unlimited abstracted problem solving abilities.

For example, a mobile phone let’s me respond to one of my disgruntled Amazon customers who complains that there was glue on the Green Bay Packers sweater I sold to her (no there wasn’t-Linda S who lives in Arkansas-I don’t even own glue right now).  You don’t even know about how this Midwestern attitude places reputation at the top…

Another example, one day I decided that Paco should be handsome enough to enter and win various Cat Beauty Contests (I have no idea what they are called), so I went and looked up the next cat show that I could enter him in, and discovered that I had to enter him under a specific breed.  The totally reasonable requirement that a cat can’t just be entered into a contest of aesthetics with other cats with whom they share little resemblance led me to discover that Paco is a sweet little Raggamuffin.  Forever stuck inside because he is too friendly and would get kidnapped immediately because of his majestic handsome face and small pink bean pawz.

That took a bit of an aside, err…sometimes I do that.  On to the topic at hand.  The first time I heard the expression “Lost in the sauce”, I knew how to decipher it immediately.  To quote urban dictionary:

an existential state of uncertainty defined by transcendent, even blissful, confusion

In over your head. Confused. Out of your comfort zone but in a positive way.

Now, I don’t say this with the purpose of creating an “existential racket” that should concern you, but I admit I find myself in this state of being quite often.    There are times where I try to associate my being with things, brands, ideologies, the company I keep, etc., but they aren’t me, they are part of my goddamn sauce.

I am a collection of what I know (“what” in this context encompassing the obtuse all the way to personally-special proper nouns-yes, you, hey there cutie), how I feel about what I know, how I feel about what I don’t know,  and not a whole lot of healthy bacteria at the moment since the Ciprofloxin committed Josh-germ genocide after MEXICO CITY (really a fun place tho!).

When I’m really lost in the sauce I start writing, and thus you have this blog that I started today.  I am going to be shutting down the hella shortlived fitness and workout blog (ha) I started, daddybod.com and hopefully selling that domain to Seth Rogan or some shit.

From now on-wards you’ll see posts about my life, and I’ll be regaling you with tales about my career, my friends & family, my loves, my Paco, tests I administer to unknowing people to see if they are worth my time, my travels, my business, my obsession with meta, my newest obsession with surrealism, and other topics whose thought seeds have been firmly planted in the right-hand side of my brain.  How often I post will be a function of how damn interesting I find the world you guys were lucky enough to have been born into.

With all that said, good morning, and if I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening, and buenos noches.